What a strong exam essay might look like

Jenna S. (313) has graciously permitted me to post her lovely answer to the crisis of intimacy hebdomadal topic from last week. In this essay, she compares the crises of intimacy in Hemingway and Woolf in exactly the sort of attentive, clear-spoken way I hope to see you all answer the comparison-and-contrast questions on the essay. I have annotated this essay a little bit to point out to you the stylistic features I like most here.

In both, "A Cat in the Rain," and "Mrs. Dalloway," there are a lot of moments filled with failed communication and lack of intimacy. These moments are similar in the character's inability to communicate effectively, but different in their means of doing so. [1]

In "A Cat in the Rain," the lack of intimacy and failure to communicate is a direct result of the husband's failure to listen. On page 93 the wife says to her husband, "I wanted it so much. I don't know why I wanted it so much. I wanted that poor kitty. It isn't any fun to be a poor kitty out in the rain." Her husband had no reponse to this and he continues to read his book. It was not the cat that she wanted, but rather the cat was a symbol of her desire for intimacy in her relationship with her husband. [2] She says with certainty, "it isn't any fun to be a poor kitty in the rain," because she knows what it's like. Just as the cat is forgotten about in the rain, she is forgotten about by her husband. Here Hemingway uses this symbolism to portray not only a lack of communication, but how the lack of it can leave one feeling forgotten and desperate.

Woolf uses symbolism to represent this conflict with intimacy as well. [3] Throughout the book we hear a lot of talk of windows and doors opening and closing. To me these doors and windows were suggesting Clarissa's ability, or lack there of, to communicate. [4] She happily recalls the squeak of the hinges as the french windows plunged open in Bourton. The opening of the windows represents a time in Clarissa's life when intimacy and effective communication were attainable, a time when she was merely 18 years old. Now in her 50's, that possibility of attaining the intimacy she has desired for so long, seems somewhat impossible. She can only remember what it is like to have that feeling when she talks with Peter, and when he leaves, the reality of her inabilities sets back in. She says as Peter is leaving, "Remember
my party tonight," but it sounded frail and thin and very far away as Peter shut the door. So here, not only do we have the closing of the door symbolically representing Clarissa's inability to communicate, but it literally drowns out her voice as well. To me Peter serves as the real doorway to Clarissa's two sides. [5] He allows her to remember the times when she was not so private, and she had hopes of becoming romantically and intimately involved; times before she married Richard Dalloway.

The difference between Hemingway and Woolf lies in their different points about communication. [6] In Hemingway's story, while it is evident that the wife wants to be intimate and has the ability to speak her mind, her husband does not listen; thus communication fails. On the other hand, in "Mrs. Dalloway," while Clarissa has Peter, someone who is more than willing to listen, she can no longer find the ability within herself to say the things she wants to, and feel the things she longs to feel. It seems as though Clarissa has become discouraged because everytime she is about to share her feelings or be intimate, she is interrupted. Hemingway and Woolf present two common things that lead to ineffective communication. Not only do you have to be able to say what you want in an appropriate manner, the person you are trying to communicate with must be attentive and want to listen. Communication is a two way street. [7]

[1] While this thesis isn't quite as specific as I would like -- it would have been ideal for Jenna to have indicated briefly how these authors' means of problematizing communication are similar -- it's not as important in hebdomadals or exam essays that your thesis thoroughly preview your larger argument.

[2] Reading and explaining symbols is extremely important in the sorts of speedy analytical work you need to do in hebdomadals and exam essays, but it's just as important to think briefly about the nuances of that symbol, as Jenna does here by describing both the cat and the wife as deprived of affection.

[3] Transition sentences like this one make my life a lot easier. Make it transparent exactly how you are linking up your readings of these two texts, and I'll be able to understand quickly and more successfully what larger point you are getting at.

[4] Again, a close reading of a symbol and an expansion on the multiple meanings of this symbol in the text. Furthermore, this symbol is closely related to the symbol (the window) that appears in the Hemingway text. Excellent, excellent stuff.

[5] The insertion of the personal voice ("To me...") and a complication of the original symbol. TAs lap this stuff up.

[6] A clear -- if vague -- topic sentences that reminds the reader that now Jenna will be wrapping up her analysis. Composition instructors often call sentences like this signposts, in that they help keep the reader oriented as to how each individual paragraph fits into the larger structure of the essay. Signposting is particularly important to make order out of the chaos of exam essays.

[7] The essay ends on a statement meaningfully connecting the two texts together. While a longer essay would go on to evaluate the significance of this connection and, indeed, of the broader theme in terms of modernism, for the purposes of short essays like hebdomadals or those on exams this sort of conclusion is strong, specific, and interesting.